Since it is getting closer and closer to Christmas, and I am busier than a one-armed paper hanger (although I’ve never understood that old adage) I thought I would take a cue from The Blood Red Pencil blog and share some of my older posts that were most popular. Off and on I have had several regular contributors here. These are writers who used to contribute to the online community magazine where I was the Managing Editor. Tracy Farr was one of those writers, and he gave me permission to share some of his fun here on this blog.
This piece ran on December 12, 2008
It’s more than just a haircut
Our country is going through some dire times. Banks are collapsing, the American auto industry is hitting speed bumps, and people are just not buying executive jets like they used to. So, it is up to us — you and me — to get this economy going again, and that’s why I did my patriotic duty this weekend and got a haircut.
Tim is my barber. He’s been cutting my hair for almost 15 years. He knows exactly how I like it cut without me having to tell him. And if Tim’s barbershop goes under, so goes the country.
It’s a known fact that my money ($10 plus a dollar tip) helps to keep Tim and many others in business.
When I pay Tim for my haircut, he spends it on things like rent, shaving cream and magazine subscriptions. His landlord is happy to be able to keep landlording, the shaving cream company is happy to continue delivering Tim’s favorite shaving cream, and the magazines are happy because they are assured they can print next month’s edition.
Tim takes a portion of that $10 as his salary and spends it at Wal-Mart, thus guaranteeing job security for the Associates. The Associates use their 10 percent discount to buy T-shirts and Jessica Simpson posters, thus guaranteeing that the T-shirt companies and Jessica Simpson stay in business. The T-shirt companies and Jessica Simpson are so happy to be making money that they decide to work together and make a Jessica Simpson T-shirt, which the Wal-Mart Associates buy in bulk and wear on their days off.
Since Jessica reaps the benefits of being worn all over the place, she takes her cut of the profits and produces a Christmas special, thus employing a bunch of Hollywood types who know just how to make a cheesy TV program but wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a Jessica Simpson T-shirt. These Hollywood types produce “The Jessica Simpson Wish You Were Here Holiday Christmas Sing-A-Long Special” and make millions on advertising by airing it on prime time TV, thus causing simple folk like you and me to say, “How can they get away with putting this goat poop on television?” at which time we turn off the TV and get down on the floor to play games with our kids.
Because of my little $10 haircut, hundreds of people are employed, millions of dollars exchange hands, thousands of bottles of hand sanitizer are emptied trying to keep all those germs at bay, families all over this great nation are doing something family-ish, and I feel like I’ve done my part in bringing this country back from the brink of disaster.
So what are you waiting for? Our country needs us! Go get a haircut, and together we shall save the world!
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You can meet Tracy at his website The Farr Place, where you can also find more humor. Be forewarned. He likes to write about goats.
you are quite the economic engine!
LOL, R. Mac. Indeed Tracy is.
If you’d ever had to hand wallpaper, rolling it up over the paste and then smoothing it down before it curled up and fell off the wall – picture trying to to that with just one hand – you’d easily understand how busy a one-armed paper hanger could get. I once had to help my uncle hang wallpaper back in the 50s, and even with two hands, I got paste all over myself and ruined half a roll before I got the hang of it. Nice post, by the way.
Charles, I remember hanging wallpaper. Just never tried it with one hand. LOL