First, I want to thank everyone who has bought copies of One Small Victory this month for their Kindles. The book has become quite popular, and I am so thrilled that Jenny’s story is getting read by so many people.
Today I am blogging on All Day, All Night Romance Divas about the tools writers use and how they have evolved. Stop on by if you get a chance.
I spent most of the weekend unconnected from the Internet and even the news. It was kind of strange as I am seldom totally disconneced. Even when I am on vacation, I will check e-mail and get news online or on television, but I didn’t do that this weekend. Wasn’t on Facebook or Twitter either. So I don’t have much to muse about.
However, I did read something interesting in the Saturday newspaper. It was in the advice column written by Carolyn Hax in response to a woman who wanted to know what to do when one partner in a marriage feels like they are doing all the heavy lifting. Carolyn encouraged the woman to have a frank discussion with her husband about what needs to be done to maintain the home and see what he is willing to do to help. She also encouraged the woman to review her expectations and perhaps lower the bar. Carolyn concluded by writing:
There comes a point when standing up for yourself fails, when saying how you feel about it fails, when doing everything in angry silence fails, when doing your own cooking, laundry and dishes fails, and that point is when the marriage fails. Best to bring in the disaster team before your anger at the unfairness swallows up all the love.”
I think we have all been there at some point, whether it be in a marriage or some other relationship. I can remember being angry with my siblings when I thought they were getting away with not doing their chores and my parents were all over me like hot tar. There were many moments when my anger over something my kids did, or didn’t do, clouded my memory of the joy I felt when they were born. And there have been plenty of times I have been angry at my husband and that anger crowded out any feeling of love.
A long time ago, I learned something that helps me when the anger wants to dominate. Love is a decision. We can separate and protect that loving part of our relationships from the things that make us angry. It’s part of unconditional love. You can make me so angry that I want to throttle you, but I can still love you if I choose. And it’s funny, the more I choose, the less those other issues seem to matter.
How do you deal with the anger issues in your relationships?
What a great attitude! I need to work off my anger – usually with great noise of some kind – before I can get past it and move on.
I’m back. Here I was, working along, and I remembered you had a new blog look and I forgot to comment on it. I like 🙂
Thanks Carol. Glad you like the look of the new design. I’ve been tying to make it more eye appealing.
My father, who was the consummate, ‘centered’ emotionally, almost Zen-like parent, taught me a valuable lesson when I was a boy seething with rage at … I can’t even remember who or why, but, he said, “Always remember, Marvin, harboring hatred toward a person does more harm to the one doing the hating than it does the hated person.”
That has helped, learning to just let it roll off, and let it go. But of course in a line-in relationship like a marriage, you must, as you have learned and written here, confront the situation as well … before it blows all out of proportion.
Marvin D Wilson
Good insight from your father, Marvin. Thanks for sharing it.
It took a few years, Maryann, but I finally disconnected most of my hot buttons related to family. They count too much to ever feel as though I hate them, no matter how annoying they are. 🙂